Love is all around...

As the evening winds down and I find myself finally taking in a long, deep breath...I close my eyes to the feeling of love and gratitude.  Im not sure if you are like me, but sometimes I feel like there are so many thoughts floating around in my head all day that its really difficult to slow down and just concentrate on one.  We have an upcoming move, and are really at a turning point in our lives.  For the past 2 and a half years we have made a life away from all that we were once familiar with.  Then we adjusted, we grew, we got acquainted with parts of ourselves that we had never known before...and now on the other side of this experience I believe we are different people.  Perhaps not different, but closer to who we really are.

The feelings of gratitude that I have are for coming to a full awakening within myself.  A true knowing that it is I who takes responsibility for this life...no one else.  I choose to see things from a perspective that acknowledges the rainbows after the storm, and takes in the fact that the decisions and choices we make today will therefore define our destiny.  Each day is a gift, each moment is ours to embrace.  I also choose LOVE.  I believe that there are only 2 kinds of thoughts, those that contain love...and those that do not contain love.  The thoughts containing love bring us peace, joy, and fulfilment.  The thoughts without love only bring worry, resentment and emptiness.  For this reason, why not choose to go with love?  Its all around us, we just have to look for it. 

The other night, my husband and I after a long  hard week of working out and eating protein shakes and salads (we are trying to get into our best summer shape) decided to take one night off and head over to Dairy Queen to get a treat. (A cool treat of course, lol)  It was fairly busy, and there was a line up of people eagerly waiting to get their tasty, icy, guilt producing delight.   It was almost my turn, when suddenly a very angry women approached the counter.  I could actually feel her negative energy oozing out of her before she even spoke, "I want you to turn this upside down!" She stated in a condescending, disgruntled tone.  The poor women who was doing her best on a Saturday night to keep up with the crowd, working on the till and had nothing to do with making the orders humbly and politely did as she was asked.  (If you've been to dairy queen, you know their claim to fame is that they can flip the blizzards upside down, not even sure why, but I guess its to prove that its fresh)  To the bitter women's dismay, the friendly dairy queen staff member successfully spun the blizzard upside down and not a drip.  The woman let our a huge SIGH, rolled her eyes and stomped out of the store.  

Now, my heart was beating fast at this point...and I almost wanted to burst into tears, because there were about 25 people who witness this awkward, degrading moment take place as this person tried to humiliate the staff member. At first I was upset with myself, thinking, "I should have said something, I should have defended her.  She was in the wrong, and I should have said something"  But after reflecting on this situation later that night, I realized something. A revelation that just might change me forever.  It is not my job to judge others, or be the referee in and among our fellow human beings.  I cannot, and will not ever know the full picture of why that woman was so angry, nor should I try.  What I can do is admire that staff member, who was kind, slow to anger, and kept her composure throughout the whole ordeal.  That was true courage.  

The next day I went to Tim Horton's, picked up a gift card and put it inside a card.  I wrote in the card;

"Dear friendly DQ staff member,

I was in to your store last evening, when I witness a customer who was extremely rude to you.  I want to thank you for your example, as I felt you handled the situation with grace and humility.  We need more people like you in this world.  Take care, from a satisfied customer. Enjoy a Timmy's on me"

Now I know what you are thinking, why in the world did something so "seemingly insignificant" have such a huge impact on me.  Because it at that moment, my heart was open to one of the greatest lessons that I will ever receive.  It is in those small, minuscule moments that our true character comes forth.  We have a choice, react in anger....or respond in love.  I want to always choose love.  Always.  Love never fails.  

So maybe when we look for love, in the big things, as well as in those small fleeting moments...we wont miss it.  We wont miss the lesson, the chance for powerful growth.  It is everywhere, we just have to look for it.

Where are you looking?

The days are flying by, and as I go to erase the previous number on the whiteboard in our kitchen each day and change it to a number closer to our departure date...I can't help but reflect on the journey we have gone through over the past two and a half years.  It feels like yesterday my husband and I were standing out in the cold December air, waving good bye to the Ontario sign as we took a leap of faith and ventured out west to Calgary Alberta. As we drove further and further away from everything we knew, loved, and thought we would always have...the familiarities and comforts I had always clung to were no longer within my grasp.  As they continued to fade in the rear view mirror, I became more fully aware that I wasn't able to turn back. There were moments when it felt as though I were living a dream...and when I woke up I would be back, back where all was well and life was....simple.

 I'm not sure if you've ever felt home sick before, but the way I would describe the feeling is like a churning in your stomach that lingers for days and days. It is accompanied by a permanent frog in your throat ready to release a floodgate of tears..and anything that reminds you of home quickly triggers the tears at which point are inconsolable.  To say I experienced an intense bout of homesickness would be an understatement!

I think we have all been through times in our life that have evoked intense feelings of sadness, helplessness, or despair.  I think during these times whether they are provoked by a loss of some kind, an undesired change, or just a deep feeling of uncertainty, they tend to feel so absolute and final.  It is as though we temporarily loose sight of the larger picture in our lives and allow ourselves to feel the true depths and gravity of the circumstance.  From what I have come to know for myself and those experiences, is that they are usually the times when we do the most growing, and gain the most insight into who we are and why we are here.

Now, in the midst of those moments it is nearly impossible to see through your tears and grief to a time when you will be looking back smiling...thanking God that you were able to experience this event or circumstance.  I think that is the whole reason we must go through these types of experiences in life.  I believe growth happens when we have no where to turn but inwards...into a part of yourself that you may not have known was there before, you find more, you look beyond that place you normally look...desperately trying to find strength.  Then you get honest with yourself.   You cannot do this alone...and we are not alone.

There is something bigger than ourselves, and when we can surrender to that truth, and start asking ourselves how we could have ever believed we would have the strength, knowledge, wisdom or power to navigate through life on our own without the source of all truth guiding our steps...that is when everything in this life starts to finally make sense.

So here we are...on the other side of our difficult circumstances...smiling, stronger, and full of gratitude. How is it that we can be grateful? Because we see the value in connecting with our inner strength, it brings us closer to who we really are.   I like to say, its not that we should be looking up...its that we should be looking IN...that is where it was, is and always will be.

Since making the decision to move back to Ontario, and closing this chapter in our lives...I have been overwhelmed with so many "full circle" moments in which I am overcome by thankfulness that I had the opportunity for such an experience.  The true depth of growth and insight I have gained by this adventure I may never fully comprehend, but what I do know for sure is that everything, I mean EVERYTHING happens for a reason.