On This day, In This moment

Well, its been quiet a while since my last post...life seems to keep moving along, and its not loosing speed that is for sure!!  When I looked back, I realized that it has been over 2 years since my last post.  Its really easy to forget to write, even when my heart is always telling me to sllllloooowww down...and take the time to do so.

This is much easier said than done!  Especially when you have a 4 year old boy who is in a constant state of universal discovery and exploration, as well as a toddler who tries everything at least once!  Oh boy do they ever keep me on my toes.  They really are the source of so much incredible inspiration as they teach me more every day.  Their souls are pure and true, always calling me back to this moment.  Now. That is all we really have isnt it?  How many times have I thought to myself as I look over their sleeping little bodies, oh how I wish I could just pause....pause this moment.   

The monotony of each day can sometimes get the better of us.  It can really grind us down to a feeling of mediocrity. God has given us THIS life, THIS moment, THESE people to love, these sights, sounds, and tastes...just for us to enjoy and experience.   Even on the hardest days, there is a small whisper, that reminds us that we are here and now right where we are supposed to be.  I want to open my heart to finding out that this is exactly my calling, and I am MORE than blessed to be here, MORE than enriched in this very place and time.  It is only up to us to recognize, and pause long enough to be grateful for them.

Would you do this with me?  Would you step off the never ending treadmill of life to soak in the simple joys of today?

Take a breather, enjoy the quiet, and sometimes loud moments of joy.  Not asking for anything more, than exactly what that moment brings.

"This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it". (Psalms 118:24)

P.S. Can you seriously believe how big these two kiddos are getting??!!

Getting back to playing in the dirt...

Well, its been quite some time since I last sat down to write.  Every so often I will get a pull, an inner tug to sit quiet and let out these thoughts and feelings that swirl around within my soul...and so many times I have shushed myself and become aware of the fact that there are about 1 million other things that I could do instead.  I think its time for me to redefine "productive" and remember that nurturing my inner self, and sharing what is on my heart with this world is much more important than catching up on laundry, sifting through junk mail, or cleaning up the evidence that our 2 year old son has tried to cover every square inch of the house with his toys!  Its time to get back to the essence of life, to break down the walls that separate us from one another, and to truly begin to uncover the truth that we already know about this gift we have been given.

We are all on a journey, we are all given a finite amount of time to experience life in all its wonderful, mysterious, unexpected twists and turns. We come into this world with such curiosity and innocence, full of wonder and appreciation for the simple delights of this Universe.  We were not afraid of the mess, in fact, we embrace it. Somewhere along the way, we are told what is acceptable, and what is not.  We are completely bombarded with images, visions, rules, social or otherwise, that pigeon hole what the proper life should look like.  Its bleached, ironed and folded into a neat little pile of life experiences that are "acceptable", and we are left trying to become someone we are not.  Wondering why we don't fit the mould...

What if the dirt, and messes of life are actually the places we need to rediscover with the same wonder we had when we were children.  What if the rain, the tears or the losses in life are all part of the total package that are the only doors to which we can walk through to find our truest selves...our life's purpose?  What if the very act of trying to walk around or underneath life's challenges is the answer for the dull ache so many people feel deep within their soul that they just can't seem to put their finger on?

The more I end up going through in this life, the more the silver lining, the blessing behind the pain illuminates itself more clearly, more vividly.  Sometimes the blessing underneath all the messes of life shine so brightly within us that we begin to truly see what is more valuable and true within ourselves.  We begin to develop true confidence and certainty that ALL things work together for our highest good.

This is when fear dissolves, and we begin to dance in the rain...not afraid of what lurks around the next corner. Because we know that no matter what happens, everything will work out the way its supposed to. I have come to know myself, that this way of living is so much more fulfilling and truly more FUN!!  So let's get back to getting messy, and playing in the dirt!

Love is all around...

As the evening winds down and I find myself finally taking in a long, deep breath...I close my eyes to the feeling of love and gratitude.  Im not sure if you are like me, but sometimes I feel like there are so many thoughts floating around in my head all day that its really difficult to slow down and just concentrate on one.  We have an upcoming move, and are really at a turning point in our lives.  For the past 2 and a half years we have made a life away from all that we were once familiar with.  Then we adjusted, we grew, we got acquainted with parts of ourselves that we had never known before...and now on the other side of this experience I believe we are different people.  Perhaps not different, but closer to who we really are.

The feelings of gratitude that I have are for coming to a full awakening within myself.  A true knowing that it is I who takes responsibility for this life...no one else.  I choose to see things from a perspective that acknowledges the rainbows after the storm, and takes in the fact that the decisions and choices we make today will therefore define our destiny.  Each day is a gift, each moment is ours to embrace.  I also choose LOVE.  I believe that there are only 2 kinds of thoughts, those that contain love...and those that do not contain love.  The thoughts containing love bring us peace, joy, and fulfilment.  The thoughts without love only bring worry, resentment and emptiness.  For this reason, why not choose to go with love?  Its all around us, we just have to look for it. 

The other night, my husband and I after a long  hard week of working out and eating protein shakes and salads (we are trying to get into our best summer shape) decided to take one night off and head over to Dairy Queen to get a treat. (A cool treat of course, lol)  It was fairly busy, and there was a line up of people eagerly waiting to get their tasty, icy, guilt producing delight.   It was almost my turn, when suddenly a very angry women approached the counter.  I could actually feel her negative energy oozing out of her before she even spoke, "I want you to turn this upside down!" She stated in a condescending, disgruntled tone.  The poor women who was doing her best on a Saturday night to keep up with the crowd, working on the till and had nothing to do with making the orders humbly and politely did as she was asked.  (If you've been to dairy queen, you know their claim to fame is that they can flip the blizzards upside down, not even sure why, but I guess its to prove that its fresh)  To the bitter women's dismay, the friendly dairy queen staff member successfully spun the blizzard upside down and not a drip.  The woman let our a huge SIGH, rolled her eyes and stomped out of the store.  

Now, my heart was beating fast at this point...and I almost wanted to burst into tears, because there were about 25 people who witness this awkward, degrading moment take place as this person tried to humiliate the staff member. At first I was upset with myself, thinking, "I should have said something, I should have defended her.  She was in the wrong, and I should have said something"  But after reflecting on this situation later that night, I realized something. A revelation that just might change me forever.  It is not my job to judge others, or be the referee in and among our fellow human beings.  I cannot, and will not ever know the full picture of why that woman was so angry, nor should I try.  What I can do is admire that staff member, who was kind, slow to anger, and kept her composure throughout the whole ordeal.  That was true courage.  

The next day I went to Tim Horton's, picked up a gift card and put it inside a card.  I wrote in the card;

"Dear friendly DQ staff member,

I was in to your store last evening, when I witness a customer who was extremely rude to you.  I want to thank you for your example, as I felt you handled the situation with grace and humility.  We need more people like you in this world.  Take care, from a satisfied customer. Enjoy a Timmy's on me"

Now I know what you are thinking, why in the world did something so "seemingly insignificant" have such a huge impact on me.  Because it at that moment, my heart was open to one of the greatest lessons that I will ever receive.  It is in those small, minuscule moments that our true character comes forth.  We have a choice, react in anger....or respond in love.  I want to always choose love.  Always.  Love never fails.  

So maybe when we look for love, in the big things, as well as in those small fleeting moments...we wont miss it.  We wont miss the lesson, the chance for powerful growth.  It is everywhere, we just have to look for it.

Where are you looking?

The days are flying by, and as I go to erase the previous number on the whiteboard in our kitchen each day and change it to a number closer to our departure date...I can't help but reflect on the journey we have gone through over the past two and a half years.  It feels like yesterday my husband and I were standing out in the cold December air, waving good bye to the Ontario sign as we took a leap of faith and ventured out west to Calgary Alberta. As we drove further and further away from everything we knew, loved, and thought we would always have...the familiarities and comforts I had always clung to were no longer within my grasp.  As they continued to fade in the rear view mirror, I became more fully aware that I wasn't able to turn back. There were moments when it felt as though I were living a dream...and when I woke up I would be back, back where all was well and life was....simple.

 I'm not sure if you've ever felt home sick before, but the way I would describe the feeling is like a churning in your stomach that lingers for days and days. It is accompanied by a permanent frog in your throat ready to release a floodgate of tears..and anything that reminds you of home quickly triggers the tears at which point are inconsolable.  To say I experienced an intense bout of homesickness would be an understatement!

I think we have all been through times in our life that have evoked intense feelings of sadness, helplessness, or despair.  I think during these times whether they are provoked by a loss of some kind, an undesired change, or just a deep feeling of uncertainty, they tend to feel so absolute and final.  It is as though we temporarily loose sight of the larger picture in our lives and allow ourselves to feel the true depths and gravity of the circumstance.  From what I have come to know for myself and those experiences, is that they are usually the times when we do the most growing, and gain the most insight into who we are and why we are here.

Now, in the midst of those moments it is nearly impossible to see through your tears and grief to a time when you will be looking back smiling...thanking God that you were able to experience this event or circumstance.  I think that is the whole reason we must go through these types of experiences in life.  I believe growth happens when we have no where to turn but inwards...into a part of yourself that you may not have known was there before, you find more, you look beyond that place you normally look...desperately trying to find strength.  Then you get honest with yourself.   You cannot do this alone...and we are not alone.

There is something bigger than ourselves, and when we can surrender to that truth, and start asking ourselves how we could have ever believed we would have the strength, knowledge, wisdom or power to navigate through life on our own without the source of all truth guiding our steps...that is when everything in this life starts to finally make sense.

So here we are...on the other side of our difficult circumstances...smiling, stronger, and full of gratitude. How is it that we can be grateful? Because we see the value in connecting with our inner strength, it brings us closer to who we really are.   I like to say, its not that we should be looking up...its that we should be looking IN...that is where it was, is and always will be.

Since making the decision to move back to Ontario, and closing this chapter in our lives...I have been overwhelmed with so many "full circle" moments in which I am overcome by thankfulness that I had the opportunity for such an experience.  The true depth of growth and insight I have gained by this adventure I may never fully comprehend, but what I do know for sure is that everything, I mean EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Calling you back...

Its been quite a while since my last post...I have been hearing whispers in my heart to write, but somehow I have justified ignoring those whispers as I deal with my busy life.  Being a mom, wife, nurse and all the other roles we continually get ourselves fully enthralled in tend to be the very roles that take us further away from who we really are.  Now, I am not saying that there is something wrong with being a mother, wife, daughter, friend, fill in the blank...I am so grateful to be all of those things to the people I love...what I am saying that there is something within us all that craves the freedom to be without a label.  To just be. We must ask ourselves then, who am I when the label is taken away?  Who am I when Im all by myself?

Surely when we came into this world, free and untrammelled by life we had a spirit of confidence and trust in our own abilities.  We were so connected to that whisper within our soul...that there was no way anyone was going to get in the way of all the fun this life had in store.  Over time, we had to obey the rules...be polite, don't act too silly, its not the time to dance or run or laugh or play.  Slowly but surely we began to identify who we are with whatever situation we are in...and that sense of free spirited joy was tamed...subdued...and made "appropriate" for the world we live in.  Have you ever sat back and watched a bunch of children playing together?   Their inhibitions are absent, and as they swirl around one another in their absolute delight to be outside and able to be themselves...there is an energy about it, there is a free flowing movement of laughter and joy that is captivating.  Where did we get it all wrong?  Why did we have to loose that sense of wonder and excitement just to be ALIVE?  We got bogged down with worries and rules...we were condemned for being too loud or silly, we were praised for order and structure, accomplishments and competition.

Now, I am not at all saying that we should all be running around like children and acting so silly and outspoken that we can no longer live amongst the civilized...no, that is not what I am saying.  What I am saying is that perhaps we need to look inside our own hearts to remember, and listen to that voice that tells us what brings us joy...and do just that.  Whether its reading, walking, spending time listening to the music that makes your heart illuminate with happiness...or if its as simple as getting that facial you love just BECAUSE it makes you feel amazing at the end of a long week.  Listen to the whisper, dont ignore it...take care of your spirit, its calling you back.  We are mothers, daughters, friends and wives...but most of all, we are ourselves.

Until next time, (which will be a lot sooner than last time)...

Be who you are, and let the rest take care of itself... xoxo  Love xoxo

A New Year, A New Direction

"We will open the book, Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."


                                                                            ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce~


As we eagerly look towards the dawn of a New Year, its easy to find ourselves peaking back...to see how we made out the year before.  I believe that sometimes we spend so much time thinking about the past, how we could relive it, or could have made it better...we miss out on the incredible blessing of the gifts that are waiting for us just around that next corner.   Its important to look back, not with regret...but to celebrate our successes & our blessings!    Celebrate the accomplishment of goals, special times with family...momentous occasions that are worthy of remembering. 


 It is also important to take an inventory of our lives, and decide what it is we truly want, and what we are going to need to do to get there.  The beginning of a new year is an amazing time to really do some dreaming...where do you see yourself exactly 1 year from now???  When you are closing the book to 2011, where do you see your life?? The more clear you are, the more likely it will be that you will accomplish what you have set out to do.  Looking optimistically towards the future is so powerful, and can add so much zest and purpose to your life!  I know there are things I may not be able to cross off my list when I've taken down the last Christmas decoration next year...but I am certain that if I am clear and focused on what my goals are...I will be a heck of a lot closer than if I had no goals at all!!


Lets not call it a New Year's Resolution...let's call it our Dreams for 2011!!!  I can feel that this is going to be an exciting year...and Im ready to jump in with both feet.  I hope that you will take the time to sit back, close your eyes...and see yourself living your hopes and dreams at this time next year.  If you truly believe that your life is a reflection of your thoughts...then this is such a powerful exercise that could change the course of your life.  I challenge you to make a great life for yourself...its all up to you!

Great quote for the day :)

Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. 
Go out and get busy.
- Dale Carnegie